he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
