Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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