a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
