That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
