My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
