I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
