He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
