Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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