She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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