I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just cut my nipple shaving
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
