Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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