im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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