My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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