tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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