What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
