the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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