I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Terrible idea I love it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
