??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
