I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
