did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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