Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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