I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
