meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if only i could text you this smell
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
