No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
