Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
