Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
