Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
