First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
