we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
