been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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