you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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