Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
