Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
