I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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