he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
