You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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