planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
