he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
