Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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