Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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