$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
