i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
