We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
