I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
