Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
