When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
