Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
