he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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