alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize