Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
