i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
