btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
