new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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