If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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