so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
