I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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