and you said cock pushups were impossible
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
