I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
