Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
