1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
