every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
