Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
