Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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