so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
