don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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