Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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