Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
