Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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