I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
