The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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