k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
