You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
