I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I need to align my fucking chakras
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
