I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
