She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize