Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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