How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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